evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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