I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Less talking, more tequila
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
