In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize