I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
