Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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