I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm at about main and main street
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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