i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
