i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
