If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
