I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
