Barsexuality is the new black.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
