I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
