we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
