I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
