she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
