I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
