He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
