Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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