does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
