I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
