If that was your dad, he is hot
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
