tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
