as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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