The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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