stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I wear drunk well.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
