and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
