Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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