fuck your aforementioned shoe
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
