every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He felt like a one man threesome
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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