maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize