I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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