was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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