How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
