capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
