I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
