Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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