so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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