you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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