I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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