literally had 100 drinks last night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
