apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
