i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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