if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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