Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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