This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
where are my eyebrows?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
