the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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