We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
