thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
