dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
