At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
