When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize