someone threw a dead crab at me
Porn is love you can see.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So vagazzling was a success
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
