I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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