i may or may not be watching the land before time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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