Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
