4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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