I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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