I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
