why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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