fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
FUCK WHALES
Randomize