I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
