You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
tell me about the eggs
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize