I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
