i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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