he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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