its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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