Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Text me some of your sweat
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