There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
