I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
