Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize