all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
