hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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