Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I lost the right to judge tonight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize