lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh god the rape fog is back!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
