Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
